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Nancy Reagan coined the phrase when referring to the drug problem in the 1980s. And many of us listened. “Just say no” started the 12-step revolution, one I participated in fully. (Hey, I never said I wasn’t into mainstream-ism.)
I’ve always admired a friend of mine who isn’t afraid to say no, and isn’t afraid to insist on what she wants. I would think to myself, “I want to be her.” We all need to learn to be true to ourselves and not be afraid of what people may think if we exude confidence and state clearly and unequivocally what we want and need.
It’s been a favorite subject of the writers of “Desperate Housewives” for the character Lynette Scavo, to depict her in impossible situations where she’s forced into volunteering for this or that childrens’ function by the other mothers at the school. Each time Lynette is depicted in this way, the writers do one of those “moral of the story” things where it’s made clear that Lynette needs to learn how to say no.
Most of us fibromyalgics are Lynette Scavo. Smiling as we reluctantly accept yet another “assignment” from a neighbor, friend, co-worker, relative, or acquaintance laying the guilt-trip on us, or playing the “it’s only fair” card. No, actually, it’s not fair, because I have a chronic, invisible illness. I’m sick every day of my life, every minute of every day. It’s just that the assigner of the project can’t see that, or maybe even doesn’t know.
When Lynette whipped off her wig in last week’s episode, exposing her bare chemotherapy skull, she played the “I’m sick” card, and she did it deliberately. We don’t have to get that extreme. Besides, what could we yank off that would expose fibromyalgia in a dramatic flare? (pun fully intended). Not a whole heck of a lot.
Better to learn what my friend does. Take an invisible, deep breath, sit or stand nice and tall, adjust your posture, make direct eye contact, and just say no.
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